I am surprised that there is still an opinion that all the party children should win all the games and there’s to be no competition or, perhaps, seen as favouritism. Life is not like that and while I do believe childhood should be as innocent and magical for as long as possible only one child can win pass-the-parcel, those who pin the tail on the donkey in the correct place win — not those who put the tail in the sky. The children who do place the donkey’s tail in the sky laugh at their mistake and are eager to share their unluckiness. There is never ever any tears because they have put the tail in the wrong place or embarrassment just smiles and giggles with the odd “Oh no”. I ensure all my games are played fairly and the children know this and except that not all can win games where there is a big prize or two. However, I do ensure that all the children do get two smaller prizes, gifts they have to win rather than be given, and there are a few children who will leave with three prizes having won the more traditional party games.

Children come to a party to have fun — play interactive games, have a chance to win a prize and see what a birthday cake looks like and watch as the birthday child blows all the candles out in one go.

Why I have raised this this month is because at one party I organised a team game where a visiting parent questioned my strategy. There were two teams and each team had to hunt for beans the winning team was the one with the most beans. No prizes, the fun was in the hurry of trying to fine the most beans — the children understood this. The winning team had one bean more than the losers and again there were cries of “Oh no, we were so close”. Cheers from the winning team but no gloating or boasting and no disappointment that there were no prizes for winning. The fun was in the hunting. The parent told me I should have said the game was a draw. How will such parents who think that every participant in a competition should win explain the winners in the Olympic games?

March: Hot days in March so all the month’s parties were in gardens, just lovely to be outdoors again and see children enjoy the open-air. The party that made me internally smile this month is now 4 years old and it was her first party at home.

Arriving an hour early to prepare for the games my birthday child was full of questions and excitement and together we decided where her birthday presents would be placed so she could see her gifts. This was my mistake because as the presents piled up my birthday child’s eyes kept wandering to the big pile of presents and every so often I would hear a quiet “Is the party nearly over?”. This question was not because she was bored or unhappy but seeing all those brightly coloured parcels were tempting and two hours is a long time for a four year old to have to wait to open them especially as this was her first ‘big’ party and a pile of presents, fourteen guests, had never been seen before. In future I shall suggest that for children aged between three and four years, who have not had a big party at home before or older siblings who have, that the birthday presents be quietly put in another room so as not to distract from the enjoyment of sharing games and food with their friends.

Budget month with benefits for some parents while others lost out. Child benefit for all did mean the state saw all children as equal and was a financial help that went directly to the mother. My daughter when about 5 years old, was old enough to understand the reason for the child benefit payment and I use to tell her when it had been put into the bank. “That’s money for you, for new shoes, a winter coat, a ball for the seaside, an ice-cream.” I was fortunate that it could be saved and when those bigger expensive items were needed there was cash to pay for them but I stressed to my daughter that it was a privilege that the social welfare the government provided for her to be fed and clothed was appreciated and never taken fore granted. Her grandparents worked and willingly contributed to the welfare system, which helped us until my daughter was 18 years old, that is a long time, and I now contribute to help future children. However, now I am not so sure that there will be a child benefit for any one in the decades to come.

Another party was held on a council estate in a very clean community hall. Again, the parents had spared no expense in giving their daughter a lovely party. At this one, the food was all family made (cooking all night and early morning) for the children and adults. The mother dressed up in a costume that represented her daughter’s theme and family members had been blowing tens of balloons up for hours the day before. The table was beautifully thought out with decorations and colour.

While both parties displayed a parents’ love for their children — that they have an enjoyable day, one party followed a format that to give a lot of choice means no boredom, the other concentrated on the food, theme and one form of entertainment – games of different types of challenges. In the latter party, every child was content and there were no upsets.

It is hard to know what is right but it is the birthday child on that day that must be catered for. If they want several activities and it is affordable for the parents then why not? If it is a princess party in a community hall then put down the red carpet and encourage your child’s imagination if you can. It is the party and all the friends together on one day that the birthday child loves and, of course, the cake.

Walking across the pavement in front of the National Gallery, London, I saw 2 small boys no more than 6 years of age chatting excitedly to one another and walking at quite a pace.  Looking around I spotted their parents with pushchairs and younger children and they too were walking hurriedly in the same direction.

The 2 boys exclaimed to each other ‘Wow! Have you ever seen such a big Christmas tree?’ They then jumped up and down laughing and moved further on to where there were some singers performing. It was a Jewish choir with a cantor performing to all those, who wanted to listen, in Trafalgar Square. The 2 boys I then noticed were wearing scull caps and had shawl fringes hanging below their jackets. How heart-warming to see such a religious mix on a winter’s evening Christians, Hindus and Buddhists listening to Jewish religious music, Jewish children admiring a Christmas Tree and after the male choir a Reggae Band. Everyone was smiling, chatting, laughing and enjoying the atmosphere and the company they were in. Me, I had an invite to a Christmas party at the National Gallery and was able to see the Leonardo exhibition without crowds.

I do wish to emphasise that party givers must always expect the unexpected and enjoy surprises. To stereotype is wrong. I have given out small leather wallets with a chiseled pattern on the front – dolphins, fairies, elephants, fish, cats and pandas to name some of the designs. The girlish of girls, dressed in pink as a fairy may take an elephant or fish wallet, the boy dressed as a super hero will take a fairy. It is wise to leave alone and not suggest to them a different pattern.

Their choice displays free-thinking, they are not swayed by their peers and it may be that Elmo is a favourite story for the girl and Peter Pan a favourite with the boy. I enjoy seeing children’s choices and would never attempt to get them to exchange for something more fitting their gender. They have chosen a toy, a design that caters to them at that time and have had great fun in choosing the item.

Pirate Alice: Picture by Sian Fassnidge

This was a birthday child who had looked forward to their party for several weeks, excited that their friends, new and old, would be there, looking forward to the games and presents and that everyone was there for their special celebration. Adults, please remember that it is the child’s birthday party and, yes, a good time to meet new parents and establish/forge networks but so many forget in that social networking the reason for the party and ignore all the children’s pleasure.

An earlier party was again in a private communal garden where 24 three and four-year olds were able to join in my games or have a little run around. All the parents stayed so it turned out to be a jolly afternoon as there was plenty of home-baked food for all and many parents joined in the games. A lovely, relaxed party.
Please refer to last August’s entry about early September party bookings if you are a novice school-gate parent with a child whose birthday falls in early September.